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A New Year Resolution: Leaving Fear Behind

I’ve been reading May Cause Miracles by Gabrielle Bernstein and applying the daily lessons for 5 days now. I really like it. A big part of my 2017 is about feeling peace, joy and confidence. This 40-day guide is all about that.

I really like how the guide brings a new focus to each day with an affirmation, reflection and meditation, and journaling time at the end of the day. It really has me working the affirmations and re-thinking my fears.

That’s the thing on my mind right now, fear. I have been thinking about habits and addictions. When I did The Journey of Profound Healing with Sai Maa, she said, “we all have our addictions.” Hers is healing. Dang!

My fear stories are addictive, very bad habits. I go straight to them without a thought. Like picking at my cuticles. I don’t even realize I’m doing it until I’m in pain or bleeding.

Sometimes I can stand back enough and see the redundancy of my fear stories, and it suddenly seems really boring. Like, wow, I’ve been playing reruns for decades, literally.

Then I ask myself, what would I replace it with? What would I think or do otherwise? I have no idea. Then I admit that I kind of like the drama. I mean, without something to overcome or learn, life is kind of boring to me. I think my fears and the stories that go with them give me something to work on, think about, even get really intense about.

What is that? Is that the human condition? Is that a habit or addiction?

Gabby Bernstein talks about the drama and paralysis that fear creates, that it gets stuck because we don’t allow ourselves to experience the painful feelings from various incidents in our lives. She gets into it big time in her book The Universe Has Your Back

That makes sense to me. However, it is very counterintuitive to honor those painful feelings and to allow myself to feel the fear and everything that goes with it. I don’t wanna! But I can see that by not resisting it I could move through them to something, like freedom, on the other side.

But what does freedom look and feel like? Part of me thinks it could be boring. What does a truly peaceful person do with themselves? Sit and meditate? Are they alone all the time? (This sounds like another fear. Ayayay.)

The more I think about it, though, the more I think that there’s a much bigger opportunity for creativity and giving when I’m not wrapped up in my fear stories.

A lot of what I’m realizing from May Cause Miracles is that the majority of my fears are based on the notion that I’m alone and have to figure everything out by myself, and it sucks. If I think I have the ability to handle whatever it is then yay for me. If I don’t think I can, then I’m screwed and it’s hopeless. Hence the fear.

I’m connecting the dots that a “miracle mindset” is about trust, faith and operating completely with God, the universe, the force. This is where I get excited about the notion of a life of peace and joy, (co-)creating and giving.

This kind of faith is not automated like fear is for me. However, I can feel a new resolution within me. Not a new year’s resolution that’s really just a good idea.

I know that deep inside that I resolved for myself sometime back in November/December to leave my fears behind me. I resolved with myself that I would discover and lead a life, once and for all, that is peaceful, joyful, confident and fully connected to Spirit. I’m on my way.

xox

2 Comments

  1. I love everything about you Sus!! You’re honesty, your vulnerability, your strength, your love, your passion for growth..you are an amazing woman and I love you!! God, I miss you!! Xoxo

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