I Have Faith And Am At Home

Today is the one year anniversary of my leaving a job. It was a beloved job for many, many years. It defined me and my life for a long time. And then, it was time to move on. So I did with not much of a plan but the sense that there was something next for me to learn and a calling to fulfill.

I had a mantra during the last year I was at my job: “I have faith and am at home.” I took this mantra forward, and it has propelled me, supported me and guided me through this past year. It has been a year of enormous change and challenge for me and my family. While I have struggled many times with my identity and what I am about, I have had an underlying faith in my asking for this challenge and the growth and rebirth that would come from it.

It has felt like I entered a chrysalis as a caterpillar and have been morphing and transforming since. At many moments, I’ve felt lost to myself and unclear about my direction in life. At other moments, I’ve felt overwhelming peace and an intuitive sense that I am on an amazing path that’s just right for me.

In the past 12 months, I got decisive about some fundamental desires:

  1. I want my life to be shaped by spirituality, humility, faith, creativity, and service
  2. I want to be in line with the Universe, what is needed from me, for me and for all
  3. I want to be at home with myself, totally at peace

Establishing these desires has shaped all the events of life that have been unfolding over the last year. I have made many plans and timelines about jobs and my career that haven’t come to fruition. When I have quietly and humbly surrendered them and let them go, new ideas and opportunities have come forward that resonated with me much more than my original plans.

I have made a daily spiritual practice THE priority in my life. It has changed me more than anything. The study of spiritual ideas and principles, meditation and prayer have rearranged me. I have more clarity and peace and less fear and judgment.

A central element in my daily spiritual practice is the *practice* of relying on a higher power, God, rather than my own power. I love planning and making things happen, but in letting go and asking for guidance and support I feel more grounded, and direction always comes my way.

Embracing fear has become a new practice, too. Embracing fear means taking it as a signal to learn as much as I can about the fear and the many perspectives I could take instead. I seek learning and understanding, because when I understand something I’m not afraid of it. Fear is always a teacher and can lead me back to what I truly want in life.

I’m working on patience. I still have an urgency to find a sense of security. I can feel that it’s driven by fear, and it leads me to look outside of myself for solutions. Practicing patience means getting out of the way and having faith in the plan of the Universe. When I do, I relax and the way emerges with clarity and serenity. Miracles have occurred, too. They start within me and my willingness to change and then naturally show up in the events and circumstances that follow.

My current daily spiritual practice is the Workbook For Students from A Course In Miracles. There are 365 daily lessons. Today’s lesson for me is, “I am at home. Fear is the stranger here.” I love that this is my lesson on this anniversary of deciding to “have faith and be at home” in a whole new way. One year ago I would have thrown my hands up and said, impossible! But today I am more at home with myself than ever, and fear is less and less tolerable as a normal part of life.

I’m still in the chrysalis, but I feel a new form beginning to take shape. I can’t see it in detail yet, but I will be patient as it develops and comes into focus. I’m grateful to be right where I am.

xox

Photo by Noah Silliman on Unsplash

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